Spring 2010 has been an unforgettable ride, whether it was good or bad, I still have no answer to that. It is a time when I truly understand what innocence and naivety means. It is the period I traveled to San Francisco with only another guy. (Nothing happened/was supposed to happen) It is a very lonely time as I struggle to make new friends, and thus spent more time on the IBM laptop and the gym than anywhere else. I failed my exam-p. I had my first boyfriend, or maybe he should be discredited as my first bf. Things are complicated in such a way that at this moment, we are in a trial run relationship, and I have no idea how things will go when I come back in the fall. I feel like, maybe, with my type of personality that inclines towards the "comfortable to be alone" persona, I will probably not be able to sustain a relationship well. In fact, the bf has somewhat similar persona too as he is the only child in his family. I do think about how this relationship would work in the long run... will he fly over to be with me in Malaysia? will he click well with my family? or maybe, the nearer future,...will this relationship even last till the fall? or next spring? How are we going to let this be known naturally to others? How are we going to create memories together when he is really stingy, ok fine, Thrifty? I don't expect him to pamper me with presents, but I do want my BF being able to take me out for a simple dinner/lunch/movies/activities, rather than the library... What do I like about him? Is it because it is rare that a guy actually likes me? Is it because I just want to have my first BF? I used to find him attractive because he is a man of good faith, a guy that is awkwardly cute in his expressions, and the fact that he carries his nerdy water bottle everywhere he goes made he even cuter in a geeky sense. Lord, You know the way, please guide me, shower me with Your wisdom and vision, that I may gain maturity each day and carve out my path towards You. Whenever I see the chemistry between my brother and Amanda, I feel that we lack that level of communication, that level of mindset... Sigh...somehow, deep inside my heart, I feel contend that we are so far apart from each other, that the only way of communication is through MSN/FB, thus, I can avoid him sometimes and vice-versa. I need to search deep within me to know how I truly feel about him.