Heart broken

Life has been a bed of roses. Oh how I wish I could say that....

Year 2010 at St. John's has started off with both of my closest friends, Mia and Lily being away in Taiwan and China(and then to Japan) for the entire spring semester. There was a moment, maybe due to my forlorn life and longing for a partner, I thought I had feelings for Joseph. Sigh, somehow, I am in this broken-hearted/depressed moment because of another guy. His name is JB. Sigh, how I wish I didn't confess my sudden feelings for him. It is from that meek confession, that I turned out to liking him even deeper! I have only myself to blame, for thinking too much and causing that desperate and silly act which I now regret. I thought he likes me too. Honestly, I thought it was easy to make him like me but I guess not.

The final straw is his "yo, im late, gtg sleep" sentence which is not even a sentence! Who writes that to a girl especially after knowing that this girl has feelings for you!? Maybe it is his way to say "I'm not interested". Then again, why did you even invite me to a wedding of your father's friend as your date, which I turned down because the invite was too sudden and casual, and he didn't pursue the topic further either... I guess you were just bored and do not want to look bad being the one without a date, huh? What a jackass!

I thought you were perfect since you are a God-loving person. You go to cell groups, play for the church, a nice guy and has never had a gf before which means you are not a casual person. Maybe not. I don't know anymore. You made me promise that I will not run away from you. See, it is that kind of request that confuses me! I want you to actually like me, miss me, and think about me. Not talk to me only when you are sad/bored and has no more homework to do!

I guess this spells the start of the healing of my broken heart. I want to move on. At the same time, I don't want to. The silly person inside me is hoping that things will change, and you will like me and we will hang out more. If you ask me to go out, I am not sure what the answer will be. I want to say no, just to let you have a taste of what I am enduring. I want to say yes, because this could be the chance we can really know each other and create something out of nothing. Sigh, JB, I can't take another "yo" from you.