Reflection

Things have been a lil' dull recently. Been burying myself under stacks of homework, and still trying to find time (and money) to plan for possible fun things to do. My supposed first hiking adventure was canceled due to the forbidding weather forecast. *sigh* Now, I am wondering when will I ever go on a hike again ....that supposed first hike took me a LOT of consideration and time before I paid my fees. I begin to think it is a sign from God that UrbanEscape is not the one for me, maybe I should join Outdoor Bound trips instead. Whichever group it should be, the weather is getting chillier by the time I sign up for another hike.

It is amazing that I have been going to New Hope every Sunday without fail. I have always hesitated when Sunday evening arrives as I try to reason out why I should do anything but to go to Church. The lack of a company explains my reluctance, and so does the guilt I feel for not being able to rise to the expectation of those kind faces to be more involved. I have to thank Mia for being so insisting on me going to church. I feel so shameful that a non-Christian actually is pushing me to go church......

Another thing is the IVCF club------ No company and no guts = absence =(

Forget about the Richard thing. He likes Amber. Proof?

1. He went straight to her to be his dance partner.
   
2. She is pretty, and has really nice longgggg hair. aiyayayayayaya....what am i thinking??

He is a kid, for crying out loud! Somehow, i just don't see any junior or senior guys around.
My eyes aren't functioning properly.

Sigh, this is such a depressing post. On a happy note : everything ran well for Latin dance workshop(yes, this was the richard + amber + dance thingy). My timesheet got approved. I went to watch U2 concert, it was awesome albeit my seat was a lil' too far. (The journey home was hellish)

My resolution

We have limits when we have goals to achieve.
In less than 2 months, I am hitting the 2-0. Not 3-0, mine you. THAT would be very, very scary.
Basically, I want to be able to tell myself that, I have done this, that, in my 20 years living on earth. I am really proud that I can dive now, seriously it is a show-off skill that one can tell anyone during some introduction game that always require one -- "Tell us something interesting about yourself" game.
I would really love to join the hiking group in NY, and be like one of those cool climbers with fit and healthy physiques. I really love outdoor sports. Since I was a kid, I always envisioned the moment I would be able to go for some outdoor trekking activities, just because I love the crushing sound of the leaves when we thread on them.
I want to go for more concerts and comedy shows in NY. Dude.... I will be a total idiot if I do not grab hold of this advantage of living in NY and not enjoy a New Yorker life after my 4 years here.
I want to help out at charities and be more active in IVCF/ New Hope or any church-affiliated activities. I promised that I will contribute my energy and my time to help the unfortunate in US before I left Malaysia last year. I want to fulfill my promise.
Like I said in the beginning, I have limits when I have set my goals. My limits is the time I have on earth. Will I be able to witness the rising of the sun tomorrow? (Not that I usually do anyway, since I -like most normal people, would be sound asleep) My point is -- I want to look back and know that I couldn't have led a better life. I want my funeral to be well-attended by my family and friends who really appreciate my loss. ....................I do have a huge ego problem, don't I?

A white crush

Life is fragile, isn't it? No, I did not just experience something tragic personally, or did any of my friends have recently. I am talking about second chances we will never get in life. You did something, and you can never retract what you did/said. Life IS fragile.

I have a slight crush (this word has a purpose to be here, since I am a person with huge ego, and a tiny bit of feeling for someone would not hurt me so much if things do not work out, hence - "slight") on a white boy. He is 2 years younger than me, I know, I know, WHAT!? would be everyone's reaction.... We knew each other on the surface from our trip to Ellis Island. Anyway, I like him, not because of his interesting personality or whatsoever that one normally look for in another person, but merely because he is interested in Asian culture. My point is ---- I have succumb slowly into that pathetic state of desperation for a boyfriend, that now, anything will do to catch my eye. Obviously, being physically presentable would not be ignored all too easily.

We had breakfast today together. It wasn't planned. I went upstairs to have my breakfast, and there he was, sitting at the very first table near the staircase. Our eyes met, and without thinking ( i mean absolutely being absent-minded), I grabbed the chair next to him, and put my plate down on the table. No questions asked, no offers made, and the awkward breakfast convo began. He likes football, I like soccer. He likes Japan and I like Europe. He likes yogurt, I dislike yogurt. He is 18, I am 20. PERIOD. Clearly, this is the ultimate sign of the death of any romantic relationship we could possibly have. Well, let's just say that he ended up inviting another friend of his (nice Trini guy - Keegan) to join us at the table. Sigh, there goes another nail into my relationship coffin.

I wonder whether I would EVER have a boyfriend..... Anthoni was a really nice guy. I was a real bitch. To say that I do not care about appearances, that would be a huge lie. To say that toni is ugly, that would not be true either. However, I know myself all too well that I must be able to look at a person's face, and love him, love his stubble/pimples/ high forehead/ thick mustache/eyebrows and his character. He has to be the Man Utd of my life. Sometimes, I think that I ask too much. I mean, I am no hot chick, and I should know that I would have to meet the same kind of expectations by the male species. Sigh, Lord, please knock some senses into my head, and open my eyes to find that special someone beneath all the assholes and jerks lurking around New York.